Thursday, January 6, 2011

My Birthday, a Day of Reflection

I wrote this last night but blogspot was being goffy and I couldn't post until this morning...

Today was a good day. After my morning workout, I had a yogurt and thin bagel with a little peanut butter. For lunch I had a really tasty tomato soup with a few Ritz crackers. I had a clementine for desert. My afternoon snack was string cheese. My dear friend, Jen took me to dinner (and to play trivia) for my birthday. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings because that is our trivia “home”. I had some chips and salsa as we waited to order. I ordered my boneless wings but I had only the 8 piece order instead of the 12. I also traded in the chili cheese fries for a side salad. I had one diet coke and then switched to water. I had to laugh when I looked at the menu and saw the heading “You Deserve It Desserts”. That is exactly what I always said when I ordered the chocolate cake. Tonight I laughed at that and thought, I deserve to be healthy and that means NOT ordering the chocolate cake. I’m not going to say I didn’t want to. See chocolate cake is my nemesis. I LOVE chocolate cake – just ask Jen. She teases me about it all the time. But tonight I chose me and my success over cake. Sure the cake would’ve tasted fantastic as usual but it would be a whole ten minutes of bliss for a lifetime of being overweight and unhappy. So, overall I think I had a pretty good day. I am looking forward to starting Weight Watchers on Saturday and getting some help and ideas on the nutrition side of things.


So, I’m not sure if there is anyone who is a bigger fan of “Pretty Woman” than I am. My family and a few close friends are fully aware of the fact that I have pretty much memorized the entire movie! I imagine it is probably really annoying to watch it with me. What does “Pretty Woman” have to do with my blog? Well, there is comment made by Vivian (Julia Roberts) that pretty much sums up how I let my life get this far off track. She says to Edward (Richard Gere), “People put you down enough you start to believe it.” He then compliments her and she replies, “The bad stuff is easier to believe.” I have heard those lines many times since 1990 and never once did I let them sink in. Now, I want to make it clear that I am in no way blaming those who put me down or made fun of me. I am simply taking responsibility for allowing myself to believe that I wasn’t worth it. I listened to the fat jokes and I heard people talking about me and making fun of me. I also had people that encouraged me and complimented me but I don’t much remember those times because I chose to believe and carry only the bad things with me.

It has only been recently that I have learned to love who I am. I am a good person. I always try to do the right thing and I have a very compassionate heart. I have a passion for helping those in need (humans and animals) and I like to think I am a good friend, daughter, sister, and aunt. Being an aunt has been one of the greatest joys in my life. Being an aunt has showed me unconditional love and all seven of those children are truly the lights of my life. I want to see them grow up. I want to be there for their graduations, weddings, and all other major milestones they experience in their lives. If I continue on the path I have been on, I won’t be there for any of it.

As my dear friend Jamie wrote to me this morning - Have a Healthy Day!!

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