Darn Scale!

Well, I am disappointed to report that I gained weight this week. It was only 0.6 pounds but it was still a gain. I am a little frustrated because I stuck to the plan and didn’t really do anything different than I did last week. I knew it wasn’t a good week though because I just didn’t feel right. I’m not sure how to explain it; it was just the way I felt. I’m sure the unemployment stress didn’t help! I will not let this discourage me however because I understand that there are going to be “down” weeks and that I will not always lose weight every week. This is a life change and it is going to take work and time and I am in it for the long haul. This just means I need to work a little harder this week so I can hit my 10 pound mark in my 4^th week. If I could lose 10 pounds a month, that’d be awesome!

I bought a Punch workout today with weighted boxing gloves and a DVD workout. It is a Weight Watchers product and I have heard good things about it. I have always wanted to do boxing or kick-boxing so I think this will be a good start. It will give me a little variety so I don’t get bored with the treadmill.

I had a wonderful day today with my dear friend Jamie. We shopped and went to lunch and just talked like we always do. It is so very easy to talk to Jamie about any and everything which makes getting together so much fun and relaxing.

I have a bunch of homework to do because I procrastinated this week and didn’t do much at all. So I am off to get a start on some of it and I will finish up tomorrow.

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Keeping Busy

I have got a busy weekend ahead of me! Tonight is my mandatory graduation meeting. They are offering one online meeting and it is tonight from 6-7. If I don’t “attend” this meeting, then I must go to the Richfield campus sometime next week and I definitely don’t want to do that so I will log in to tonight’s meeting and figure out what I need to do in order to graduate in March!

Tomorrow I am taking Bella to get an updated Bordatella shot. She will need it in order to attend doggie daycare in Georgia. She usually only gets it once a year but the place I am taking her to requests it be within 6 months. It doesn’t matter to me because her Banfield care plan covers two shots a year. Then tomorrow night I am going with my mom and some family/friends to dinner at Sarna’s in Columbia Heights. I hate to eat out the night before weigh in but I will just find something on that menu that falls within my points and I should be fine.

Saturday morning is of course weigh-in and then I am heading to St. Cloud to meet my dear friend Jamie for some shopping and lunch. We have been trying to get together for awhile now and I think we’re finally going to make it happen! I am looking forward to it!!

Then I need to use the rest of my weekend to get some homework done! I have been putting it off this week and that means it piles up and has to be done on the weekend. I want to get back on track and get things turned in early so I can get ahead of the game before vacation!

Sometimes I think keeping busy helps keep me on track. I guess if I am out and about and doing things, I don’t think about hunger or cravings. I have become a little obsessed with a game on Facebook called Baking Life. It is similar to Farm Ville but instead of running a farm, you run a bakery. Of course I have wanted to run my own bakery so I had to try it out. Now I am slightly addicted and check on my “ovens” regularly. It is pretty pathetic but like I said, if I’m busy, I don’t think about food.

Speaking of cake, I ordered my mom’s birthday cake from a bakery in Savannah. I found them on the internet and read good reviews. I ordered the Hummingbird cake that has banana and pineapple in it. The lady said it is one of their most popular flavors. They put a cream cheese frosting on it! I’m not gonna lie – I am looking forward to a piece of that! I asked them to decorate it however they want but asked that they incorporate yellow because it’s my mom’s favorite color. My mom will be surprised and very happy I’m sure! I’ve scheduled to pick it up after our carriage ride through historic Savannah on her actual birthday.

I went to the fitness center with my mom last night. We walked on the treadmills for a half hour. She is up to 1.5 MPH. I went down and walked at a 2.5 because my heels are still bothering me a bit. I hope to get over there tonight and do some of the weight machines. I want to get as much activity in as I can because I think I need the extra help this week for weigh-in.

Well, I am off to check my “ovens”! J

Have a Healthy Day!!

~Heidi

Unemployed for a Year!

01/26/11 @ 4:30pm

Elk River, MN Current Temp: 26°

Savannah, GA Current Temp: 54°

Hollywood, CA Current Temp: 72°

So much has happened to me this past year. Today is the one year anniversary of me losing my job. I never dreamed I would be unemployed for a year. With unemployment paying only about half of what I made, I was unable to keep up with my mortgage and lost my home. It was the home I grew up in and the only place I have ever lived my entire life. At first I was worried about what people would think of me for losing my home. Then I realized, I didn’t care what anyone thought because they aren’t me and the circumstances were pretty much out of my control. Now, I could throw myself a pity party today to “celebrate” my lay-off anniversary but instead I chose to look at all the positive things that have happened to me.

I moved into an apartment in June. I absolutely LOVE it! I love not having to mow or shovel. I love that when something is broken, I pick up the phone and they come and fix it. I love that I have a pool in the summer. I love that I have a very nice fitness center at my disposal 24 hours a day. I love that my garage is attached to my building (my home for 32 years had a detached garage). The only thing I don’t love about the apartment is the Trex family that lives upstairs. Apparently they have lead feet or are dinosaurs (hence the Trex; T-Rex)! I have gotten used to it for the most part but sometimes it gets on my nerves.

Then there is the fact that I am back in school. I always wanted to earn my Bachelors degree but I never had the money to do it. Because of a state grant for Home Valu employees I was able to go back. I was able to change my focus from accounting (which I have an Associates degree in) to Human Resources. It was an amazing opportunity that I never dreamed I would get.

All of that leads me to today and to my desire to be the best me I can be. I have abused my body for too long. I am ready to be happy, healthy and not overweight. It is a long road but I have time. If this past year has taught me anything, it has taught me that nothing comes easy and nothing comes fast. It will take work and it will take time and I am okay with that.

Today I have been craving pizza. A delivery pizza like Godfather’s or Dominos sounds wonderful. Instead I will go to the store sometime this week and get a crust to make my own at home. I will be able to eat more than I could if I did delivery and I can load it with good things to get some of my vegetable servings in for the day! This is really the first specific craving I’ve had since starting Weight Watchers. I guess that’s not bad and I am handling better than I would have in the past. This week I have stayed in my point range and have used very little of my weekly splurge points. I have earned 8 activity points and have not used any of those either. With that being said, I am not feeling great about weight loss this week. Hopefully it will be like last week and I will be way off and have a great number on the scale but I am not expecting much. I would be thrilled with 2.4 because that would put me at 10 pounds total since starting WW!

Friday night I am going to dinner and hope I can find a good meal on the menu so I can stay within my daily points. If I use extra points, I like to use them early in the week and not the night before weigh in!! I have looked at the menu online but haven’t decided what to have yet. I figure if I plan ahead, I will know exactly how many points I will use for dinner. Planning ahead is a huge thing with Weight Watchers. It really makes life so much easier!

So, there are my thoughts for the day. Take care, thanks for following and Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Sleep (or lack of)

I am starting to think that sleep plays a role in weight loss. Last week, I had the best night’s sleep. I slept better than I have in a long time and had so much energy that next day. Ever since that night though, my sleep has been more restless. My nights seem to be plagued by nightmares. I don’t have nightmares very often so it’s really weird that I have had them every night for the last four nights! My dreams have ranged from a faceless man that comes after me when I am alone to driving my car onto a partially frozen pond that I break through and start to sink. Each time, I wake up in fear or having felt like I was screaming. I know when I actually make a noise because Bella will get annoyed with me if I do. Anyway, I haven’t had a full night of sleep in almost a week and I just don’t feel 100% because of it. I hope it doesn’t affect the weight loss but it sure affects my energy level, that’s for sure!

Today is the first time since starting Weight Watchers that I have felt hungry during the day. I looked at my points tracker and realize that it’s because I did not eat as many points today. I had a normal breakfast of 9 points but my lunch was only 8 and normally my lunch runs around 15. I ate a Smart One microwave meal but apparently I need to have something else with it to keep from getting hungry right away. So even after dinner (which includes some pasta) I will still have a lot of points to use up. If dinner fills me up, then I just will not hit my points target today. Now I know though and will think about it the next time I eat a Smart One for lunch.

Not much else to report today. Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

STRESS!

I just received a call from my sister, Heather and apparently she has been waiting all day for a new blog entry. Funny because I see her almost every day but hey – good to know people look forward to my blog. Sometimes I just feel like I don’t have anything witty or interesting to say but I really try to think of things that I can write.

Well today was a bit stressful. I applied for my weekly unemployment and it told me I needed to reapply in order to be eligible for the next tier of benefits. I filled out the reapplication form and boom! My account was wiped and it said I had $0 available. I panicked but I didn’t have time to do that because I had to get my niece to pre-school. After dropping my niece off, I talked with my career counselor and friend (shout out to Kathy because I know she reads this blog) and she told me not to panic until it was needed. Well of course I did anyway and called the unemployment office and spoke to a very nice lady who was able to explain things for me. She was very kind and told me that the Unemployment system was not built to deal with extensions so it will not show a balance anymore but that I am approved for an additional 13 weeks if I need it. So, I will apply as normal next Monday and hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop or for something to happen that prevents me from going on my trip. I have been looking so forward to it and I don’t want anything to affect it. I guess it’s the old me that always waited for the negative things to happen rather than bask in the positive. I am getting better though and trying my hardest to focus on the positive things in my life.

Now six months ago if this had happened to me, I would have gone to McDonalds for lunch. I would have ordered 2 McDoubles and a McChicken because I couldn’t decide if I wanted chicken or a burger. And as if one double cheeseburger wasn’t enough, I got two because that way I could have a burger, the chicken and finish with a burger because I always liked to end my meal with a burger. Then I would order a large diet Coke because of course that made my binge better than if I had ordered a regular pop. I would also order a shake or some kind of dessert because what is a binge without something sweet?

Instead, I went grocery shopping. I went grocery shopping twice. The first time was for my sister who was home sick and needed me to pick her up a few things. The other was for a few things I needed at home. Both times I stuck to the list and did not even think twice about buying things that I normally would have in the past. Then when I got home, I went to the fitness center and did some weight lifting and then 15 minutes on the treadmill. It felt good and was much better for me than a binge ever was. I have found ways to refocus my stress and not turn to food for comfort. This is a huge step for me and one that tells me that I am ready for this. I am SO ready for this!

So, there is my blog today for those of you who were waiting for it (Heather)!

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Professional Dreams

My fast approaching graduation has caused me to reflect on my professional dreams. My bachelor’s degree will be in Business Management with an emphasis in Human Resources. I love people and I love to help people realize their potential and plan for their futures so I think Human Resources is a great choice for me. I hope to get into a medical or hospitality setting because they are both of interest to me. So I am looking forward to the next phase in my professional career and hope that when the time comes, I am able to find the kind of job I am looking for.

So even though I am passionate about Human Resources and looking forward to a career in the field, is it my dream job? I can definitely say no to that. Until a few years ago my career dreams were still in the medical field. I had always thought I would be a doctor. My two top choices would have been Pediatric Oncology or Veterinary Medicine. Now these two are very different from each other but both reflect passions in my life; helping children and pets. As I grow older, I have let go of those dreams and accepted the fact that those careers were not in the blueprints of my life.

In the past few years my professional dreams have changed and I have new aspirations. I am very interested in owning my own bakery. Now this dream seems a little out of line with my current journey but I have a twist that makes it not only innovative but also desirable in today’s world. I would like to own a traditional bakery that also offers healthy options. I would provide nutritional information and even Weight Watcher points for each item. I would make traditional bakery goods but also have the healthy options for people to chose from. In addition, I would have a second bakery case, a little lower to the ground in it's own part of the bakery that would be filled with homemade, healthy dog treats! It is a way for me to combine my baking passion with my healthy lifestyle and incorporate my intense love of dogs!

My final paper in my Business class is to be a strategy paper for a company of my choosing. I emailed the instructor and told him of my “pipe dream” and asked if the paper could be about that. He encouraged me to do this and said that he too wrote a paper similar to this about one of his dreams a few years back and he is now only months away from making it a reality. It gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe someday I will see my vision turn into a reality. Not unlike the visions I have of a healthier me in the very near future!

The weekend has been good! I ate a little more than I planned at the restaurant yesterday but I was pleased with my choices and stayed within my plan. I ordered a bowl of steamed broccoli as an appetizer. It was a great way to fill up before my meal and eat less of the main meal. I ordered a grilled chicken wrap that was fairly low in points and I allowed myself to eat some of the waffle fries that came with it. I ate only half and was proud of that! Oh yeah and I had a piece of the bread that is served at the table. But I only had one piece!! I used to eat the entire basket by myself because I am a bread lover!

Today I had a bigger breakfast and it was good! I had two pancakes. One pancake I had with light syrup and fresh strawberries. The other with a smear of Nutella and banana slices. I also had four sausage links and a glass of light orange juice (Trop50 which is pretty good). The whole meal was a little high in points but I just had a much smaller lunch and still had enough points left for a great dinner. Dinner was a slice of ham, stuffed baked potato and baked asparagus! It was very delicious and I still have 4 points left for an evening snack.

Mom and I went to the fitness center today. I walked for a half hour at a 3.0 but turned up the intensity during commercials breaks. I would walk at a 3.3 during commercials while watching the end of the movie Enchanted. I felt like I worked harder today and it felt great. I was working up a good sweat and challenging myself to go longer and harder than I thought I could at the higher speeds.

All in all, I feel it was a great weekend. I am looking forward to the week ahead because every week I get through is another closer to vacation! It seems to be going so slow and I am getting so excited. I will be taking my computer with so that I can keep up with my school work while I am gone (and my blog too). It’s only a week but I need to make sure my work gets done and turned in by the due dates. I am going to do as much ahead of time that I can but will need to do a little bit of it during the week.

Well, it’s Sunday night and I have a line up of cooking shows to watch so I’ll say good night for now.

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

PS – Thank you so much for the nice comments and encouragement! It really is the glue that is holding this journey together. I could not do this alone and it means the world to me to have support from so many people. Feel free to share this blog with any and everyone you think might enjoy it. I am at peace with where I am at in life and excited about my future. I will share my thoughts, successes and even failures with anyone that wants to listen!

Weigh-In Happy Dance!!!

I'M DOING THE WEIGH-IN HAPPY DANCE!!!



HOLY CRAP!! I stood on the scale this morning at my meeting and was crossing my fingers for at least a 1.8 pound loss. This would bring me to my first five pound mark and one that I would feel good about. Well, the lady was writing my numbers down and calculating and said, “Great job this week Heidi.” I looked at her and she said, “You lost 4.4 pounds!” I think I almost fell off the scale! I couldn’t help but be excited! I wasn’t expecting that number and it felt great!!

We talked about weekly allowance points today at the meeting. I have not really been using mine because I was afraid I wouldn’t lose as much if I did. I did use a few last week and lost more than I did in week one. The lifetime members that were at the meeting (all have met their goal and are maintaining) said that they use all their extra points each week and they enjoy every one of them! So, I will not feel guilty about using them now and again but I am still going to try to not use them all. I have been doing well without them but at least now I won’t be afraid to use them if I need to.

I came home and did my measurements and I have lost another 1.7 inches in my waist and .5 inch in my hips. So apparently, it’s working and I’m doing something right!!

Off to make a healthy breakfast and get the rest of my homework done!

Have a wonderful weekend and a Healthy Day!!

~Heidi

Nerves Before Weigh-In

So it never fails, the night before weigh-in I panic that I gained at least five pounds! I know it is highly unlikely but I can’t help it. I know I had a little bit tougher week but I was still on plan and stayed well within my points. I wonder if that feeling will ever go away? I really have to learn to not allow the scale to be a measurement of my success. It sounds easy but it really isn’t!

I got back to work today fitness wise and went to the gym and walked 30 minutes at a 3.0 on the treadmill. I worked in sprints at 3.5 for a minute at a time. I think I might need better shoes because I am starting to get some pain in my left heel. It’s almost like the shoe is not giving me enough support around the heel/ankle. I do have a pair of Sketcher’s Shape-Ups that I haven’t worn yet. I didn’t want to wear them on the snow so I was saving them for spring/summer. I think I might try wearing them around the house to see if I can get used to them. If I can and feel comfortable in them, I might try to use them on the treadmill.

I am frustrated with restaurants! I am going to Granite City to have dinner for a friend’s birthday tomorrow and they do not list any nutritional information on their menu! A lot of restaurants will list the information on their websites and it makes it much easier to figure out weight watcher points. Instead, I have found what I will order on the menu and use the description to approximate the points. After dinner, we’re going to BINGO!! I love bingo and haven’t played in a very long time.

Thanks for checking in on me, I will post my results (weight and measurements) after my meeting tomorrow morning!

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Thursday

9:00 PM, Central time

Elk River, MN Current Temp: -8.1° with -24° wind-chill

Savannah, GA Current Temp: 51°

Hollywood, CA Current Temp 51° (Can never start planning too early for my “goal” trip!!)

It’s been a rough week. I have done pretty good eating wise and stayed in my points, I just feel a little off. I am not expecting huge numbers on the scale this week and will be happy with any loss. I think I am off because I have not done the amount of exercise that I did last week. I could make excuses but I won’t. Instead I will try harder going forward to fit exercise into everyday.

This week I will not be alone in my WW meeting. Both of my sisters will be joining me! They of course do not have as big of a goal as mine (because they weigh much less than me) but I know they want to be happy and healthy so that means we are all on the same journey. It really is much easier when you have people that are doing it with you so I am looking forward to having them there!

Well, I don’t have any of my usual deep thoughts to share tonight so I will simply say good night, until tomorrow.

Have Healthy Day!!

~Heidi

Vacation Thoughts

Elk River, MN Current Temp: 16°

Savannah, GA Current Temp: 57°

Can you tell I am looking forward to my upcoming vacation! I am so excited to make my mom’s 70^th birthday one she’ll always remember. I am searching right now for a bakery that will make a small cake for her. I didn’t think it would be this hard but not a lot of the little places have websites so I may have to make phone calls to find the right place. There is a cake called Hummingbird cake that is popular in the south. My mom has made one before and it’s pretty good. It has pineapple, banana and nuts. It seems healthier too but I’m probably fooling myself with that!! I have been thinking a lot about my vacation and how I am going to handle it. I have decided that I will not count points while I am gone but really watch and be mindful of what I’m eating. We have a hotel that has continental breakfast and then we have decided to have only one main meal (a late lunch/early dinner) and then just have small snacks in between and at night in the hotel. I am going to pack healthy, low point snacks so that when I do have a piece of cake or an ice cream cone, I won’t feel guilty. I am also planning a lot of activities that include walking and other activity to keep us moving. This lifestyle I am creating has to be one I can live with or it will never stick.

Food has been harder for me to resist this week. I am having no problem using all my daily points unlike last week. And that damn Hardees keeps taunting me. I drove my nephew to school this morning so they were advertising breakfast. I’m driving by and up pops a picture of the most delicious looking Caramel Crumb Biscuit! I think I might have even drooled! J I am a huge carb fan and any kind of bread or biscuit is like heaven to me. But I just kept driving. Then of course I had to go by it again on my way back to the house. But I again drove right by.

I improvised on exercise yesterday. I knew I didn’t have a lot of time as I would be getting home late. So I asked my niece to stand on my feet and I lifted my legs while she was standing on my feet. I could definitely feel the burn and she thought it was fun! I also had her stand in front of me and keep her legs planted straight. Then I took her hands and pushed her away from me and pulled her back. I could really feel it in my upper arms and again she thought it was a blast. So it was kind of fun to do something different and work on specific muscles in such a fun way!

That’s about it for today. Have Healthy Day!!

~Heidi

Blessings

Families are the compass that guides us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.      ~Brad Henry

So I’ve talked a lot about the things I want for my future. One thing I have failed to do is talk about all that I already have! I have an awesome family. They mean the world to me and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in world. They have loved me at my highest weight and they are loving me through this journey. We give each other a lot of crap but I know with all my heart that they love me and will always be my biggest cheerleaders. I cannot imagine life without any of them and they really are everything to me. I also have some very dear friends. Many I do not see as often as I would like but I know they are there for me as I am for them. One in particular has been an amazing source of encouragement to me. She knows where I’m at and we are supporting each other in our journeys. When I am down, she sends me messages to pick me back up. When I am off track, she tells me to get back on. She really makes me believe that I can do this and that I deserve it! So, thank you Jamie – you have no idea how much you mean to me!! I also have a car to drive, a roof over my head and a spoiled dog that I love to pieces. She is the closest thing I have ever found to unconditional love! Most importantly, I have my faith. It is the core of who I am and will be with me no matter where I am in my journey. So as I look to the future, these are things that I will take with me: my family, my friends, my dog and my faith. They will get me through and inspire me. They will support me and love me. They will be with me no matter where I end up in life. Because the most important things in life aren’t things!

I have been using my daily points no problem this week. I have not used any activity points and I only used some of my “splurge” points this weekend. I feel great because I went to the fitness center last night. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15 on the treadmill at 3.0. My mom did 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 1.2. I am so proud of her and she has now asked to go with me three times a week! I think that’s great and it will get us both ready for the walking that I hope to do on our trip next month.

It’s only Tuesday but I am already looking forward to Saturday! I never thought I would look forward to getting up early on Saturday or to getting on a scale in front of a stranger!

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

I Have a Dream...

In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. day, I thought I would share with you my dream. I have a dream that one day I will be happy and healthy. I have a dream that I can look into a mirror and see the outer beauty and be happy with my reflection. I have a dream that my niece and nephew (because the other ones are too big to want to do this anymore) can sit on my lap because I will have a lap for them to sit on. I have a dream that I will take my dog for a run and enjoy the beauty of nature without feeling like I need oxygen. I have a dream that one day I will fall and love and be loved in return. I have a dream that I will inspire someone to make their life better. I have a dream that I will reach my goal and maintain it for the rest of my life. I have a dream…that I plan on making reality!

This weekend was a bit of a bumpy one for me. I did not exercise at all and my body sure felt the difference! I felt sluggish and lazy with no energy. I had food cravings for the first time since on WW. I used 9 of my weekly “splurge points” in two days when last week I didn’t use any of them. It was just an off weekend for some reason but I am happy to say that I am back on track and looking forward to the week. I am going to the fitness center when I get home tonight to workout. I know it will make me feel better and give me some much needed energy. My mom even said she felt like she missed the workout too so she is going to come with me tonight.

School is going better than I expected and I received my graduation notice last week! My ceremony will be March 24^th. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to walk in the ceremony but I decided as the first Kaliher to receive my bachelor’s degree, I want to have pictures to prove it! It’s funny how going through something as devastating as losing a job and your home can really put things into perspective. Going through all of that in the past year has brought me to the person I am now. It has brought me higher education and a more positive outlook on life. My mom has always said, “Everything happens for a reason,” and I believe that with all my heart. It’s not always easy to understand (like losing my dad when I was 20) but there is a reason for everything. Remember in high school when they’d ask us those questions like where do you want to be when you’re 30? Well I can guarantee you that overweight, unemployed and single would have never crossed my mind. But there is a reason I am where I am and I am okay with that. In fact, I’m more than okay with that. I am embracing it and I am going to make the most of it!!

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Discouraged No More!

So first off I’d like to say, “What the H@LL was I thinking having an 8am weigh-in on a Saturday??” I so did not want to get out of bed this morning. But I did and I’m glad I did. I officially lost 3.2 pounds in my first week of Weight Watchers!! Maybe even more encouraging is the fact that I lost 2 inches off my waist and 1.25 inches from my hips!! I knew my winter coat felt roomier but nothing else really did so I wasn’t sure what the results would be. Needless to say, I am very happy with these results. It is just a simple reassurance that my efforts are worth it. Today’s meeting was informative and I got a few good recipe ideas.

Now after such a great weigh-in the old me would have said, “Let’s celebrate with breakfast from McDonalds. My next weigh-in is a week away and I can work it off.” The new me decided to go home and make my own breakfast. I made a breakfast burrito with ham, egg, mozzarella cheese, onions, green peppers, tomatoes and a small dollop of sour cream. I also had an orange and a bottle of water. It was very good and only 13 points. That is more than my normal weekly breakfast but it was good and filling.

Thanks for checking in and sticking with me on this journey. I appreciate the support and words of encouragement!

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Newly Fallen Snow

I know everyone in Minnesota keeps saying they are done with the cold and snow. I have said it once or twice in the past month myself. But as I went out to take my dog for a walk, I couldn’t help but bask in the beauty of gently falling snow. Despite the fact that I am sandwiched between two decent size highways, it was so quiet and I couldn’t help but be in awe of the fresh white blanket that covered everything in sight! I could even hear the tiny flakes as they hit my coat! It was so pretty and pure. It had covered up that awful brown snow that has accumulated over the weeks from the sand and salt that has been spread generously in these past few weeks. Could it be a euphemism for my life? All the years of bad food choices and little exercise had made me brown. My new life and my new attitude is a lot like that fresh snow. It is my fresh perspective on life and learning to take care of myself because I deserve to be healthy. Sure that snow will melt and the brown stuff will again be revealed but that brown stuff will be gone by spring and the flowers will bloom. I just can’t help but see the beauty in it all.

Today was an easy day. I had a small breakfast and an average lunch. That left me with a lot of points to use for dinner. I decided to make a pizza. I found Boboli mini crusts at the store for 10 points a piece. I then found pizza sauce and turkey pepperoni. I cut up onions, green peppers, and celery (don’t knock it till you try it), sprinkled a little low fat mozzarella and voila – the perfect pizza for only 15 points!! I still have 15 points left to use for today!

Then for dessert, I had a Kudos bar. I found these today at Cost Co. An older woman was serving samples of them and she kept saying, “I have Kadoo bars today! Try a delicious Kadoo bar!” I had to contain my laughter as I walked by. She was standing right next to the 100 calorie pack snacks that I wanted. Well, she talked me into trying a Kadoo bar and they were AWESOME! They are like a candy bar but she said they only had a hundred calories. So I pulled out my trusty points calculator and they were only 3 points per bar. The other 100 calorie packs I was looking at were also 3 points. There were 25 packages for 10.99 and the Kudos were 50 bars for only 9.87 so I went with the Kudos bars knowing they would satisfy any candy bar hankering I ever get!!

I went to the video store and rented some Wii games. I got the Gold’s Gym Dance Workout and decided to have some fun while exercising today. Holy CRAP – that thing kicked my butt!! I could not do the footwork they did but I kept up with arm and upper body movements. I just moved my legs as I went and figured as long as they were moving – I was getting the job done. I was dripping with sweat so it must have worked! It said that dancing like that for 30 minutes burned almost 500 calories! So I was pretty happy with that!

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I am looking forward to it. I have come to grips with the fact that even if the scale shows a low number, I know I am doing everything right and making good choices. So I could be losing fat and inches but not weight and I have to realize that there is more to success than a number on the scale. So, bring it on weigh-in – I am so ready for you!!

Have a Healthy Day!!

~Heidi

Georgia on My Mind

So I did some research today on my upcoming trip to Georgia. I am taking my mom to Savannah for her 70^th birthday. I am really looking forward to this vacation but the food factor scares me a bit. Out hotel has a free continental breakfast and I am pretty sure I ca find some decent things to eat there. Then comes the lunches and dinners out, and that’s what scares me. I know you can always find healthy options on any menu but my fear is that I won’t want to. I have planned activities that will keep us moving and active. We are going to Forsyth Park to walk the dog because I am of course bringing my Bella with me. She is my child and I can’t imagine leaving her for a week. I have arranged for doggie daycare while we are there so we can sight-see during the day and do some driving and dog friendly things in the evening. I have also planned on visiting a Fort in Tybee Island and it is a mile walk to get through the place. So I am hoping that keeping active will also keep me in the healthy food choice state of mind. I have a special day planned the day of my mom’s birthday and I’m sure she’ll really enjoy it. We will be going on a horse drawn carriage ride of Historic Savannah. We do this after a wine tasting and they send a bottle of wine along with a plate of meat, cheese and fruit on the carriage with us. I am hoping it’ll be a birthday to remember. Shhhhhhh – it’s a SURPRISE. She doesn’t even know how to turn a computer on so I don’t have to worry about her reading this.

As far as my week goes, with the exception of my pity party yesterday, it has been pretty good. I met some friends for trivia last night and had a great time. I ate chips and salsa at the bar and stayed within my daily points doing so. Today was another day where I still have points to use. It’s 10:15pm and I still have 5 points left! I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 3.0 while watching Cash Cab. I challenged myself that during the red light challenges I would walk at a 3.5 until it was done. There were two red light challenges and I threw in a commercial break to for a total of 3 intervals at a higher speed. I did not feeling like going to the fitness center when I got home but I went and I felt so much better afterward.

So, T minus one day until weigh-in. I am both looking forward to and terrified of Saturday morning. Time will tell and so will the scale!

Have a Healthy Day!
~Heidi

Love and a Debbie Downer Kind of Day

So I feel like I need to explain something on my To Do list post from yesterday. A few people have sent me messages about #10. Now I just want to say that this list is things the new me wants to do. They are not all things that I am waiting for until I reach my goal weight. I of all people know that love happens whether you want it to or not. As those who know me well know, I am a hopeless romantic and I would very much love to find “the one”. With that being said, I am different now and my expectations have changed. I have been in love twice in my life. Both times, the feelings were not mutual. I always figured my weight had something to do with it because let’s be honest – physical attraction is an important aspect of falling in love. Both of these men are great guys and one knew how I felt because I told him. The other probably knew but I never confirmed it for fear of rejection. Both of these men are still in my life and I am happy to have them as friends. I just figured I wasn’t good enough for either of them. The truth is I didn’t love myself so how could I expect anyone to love me in return. The new me feels different. The new me wants the fairy tale. The new me believes I deserve to be loved as much as I love and I will not settle for less. So, putting that on my list just means that I am starting to love myself so I think I will be ready to not only love someone fully but to be loved in return.

Last night was great. I walked 30 minutes at a 3.0 on the treadmill. I also did short intervals where I would kick it up to 3.5 for 30 seconds or a minute. I felt great afterward and was very proud of myself. I was also very proud of my mom who walked for a half hour as well. She went much slower but this was her first time on a treadmill! She will be 70 in February and has Diabetes so she will benefit from this as well. I am looking forward to our trip to Savannah, GA in about a month. I read that Savannah is a very “pedestrian friendly” city and want to be able to walk around and enjoy it. I told my mom that we need to keep working on our walking so we are ready for vacation. The more strength we build up, the more we will be able to enjoy. There is a light house too that I would like to visit while in GA. There are 178 steps to the top and I plan on making it up there, despite my fear of heights! So I am keeping that trip in my head as I workout and build my strength and endurance.

Now on to my day today. Today has probably been the worst so far. I did something this morning I wasn’t going to and it was very discouraging. I chose to step on the scale because it had been one week since my birthday and the start of my journey. I was so confident because I have worked out, followed my points and felt so good. I was heartbroken to read that the scale said I had only lost 0.8 pounds! I know my official WW weigh in is still a few days away but my hopes have been dashed for a great number. This is just a stumbling block and I will not give up as I have in the past. I will continue on because it is better for me and it makes me feel good.

I woke up with a very sore neck. I am have a hard time turning my head to the right without some major pain. This has caused a headache and on top of everything, it just kind of sucks! I assure you though that I am still on track and have no intentions of derailing any time soon. If I ever get to that point, I will reach out for help and support because I know I have so much of it out there!!

Have a Healthy Day (no matter how crappy it is)!!

~Heidi

My Weight Loss To Do List

1. Spend a day at an amusement park
2. Horseback riding
3. Take salsa dance lessons
4. Water-ski
5. Rollerblade
6. Bike rides
7. Find an amazing little black dress
8. Wear high heels
9. Run with my dog
10. Fall in love

So off the top of my head, those are things that I want to do when I lose weight. Some will wait until I reach my goal, others I may do along the way as I lose the weight. They are in no particular order but are all things I want to do that I haven’t been able to or just didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I have also decided how I will celebrate reaching my goal. I am going to take a trip to California – Hollywood to be exact. My cousin (and best friend) is there and I have met some dear friends through him. They are all amazing people and I can’t wait to see them all again. I want to spend a day at the beach, go to an amusement park (Disneyland and/or Universal Studios), and anything else that we decide to do while I’m there. It is definitely something to look forward to and drive me toward my goal!! My goal seems like a far off dream but it will come and I want to be ready for it!

Today is a bit of an off day for me. I feel sluggish and I have been freezing all day. Maybe I’m catching a cold or just in a little slump. It has not affected my eating as I have been tracking everything and staying within my points. Today was the first day though that the Hardees sign actually tempted me. The picture of the Texas Toast Bacon Thickburger was calling to me. I could almost hear it saying, “Come on, I will make you feel better. You know you want to.” But I literally looked at that sign and said out loud, “Not anymore. I will not let you comfort me!” That was a big step for me and it felt good. I could have easily pulled in and got that burger. No one had to know. I had done it a million times before. I would throw the evidence (wrappers and bags) in the trunk and throw it away before anyone could see. But I chose not to because I would know and I didn’t want to live with that.

So onward and upward I go. I am going to the fitness center when I get home tonight and I told my mom she has to go with me. Since she’s been retired, she doesn’t really do much. She has diabetes and it would be good for her to get up and move. So, we’re going to start slow and watch Wheel of Fortune while walking on the treadmill. She will take a pace that is comfortable to her and I will push myself to get an effective workout in the half hour we are there. I hope that my change in habits will help her change hers too.

That’s really it for today. If you’re sticking with me on this journey, thank you! The support I have gotten has been awesome and so appreciated. I know my entries get long and I have tried to shorten them but sometimes I just start typing and a few minutes later there are two pages worth of thoughts. I figure there is a reason I type it so I might as well post it. I guess it helps me process everything and keep my head straight.

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Eating Out and Cleaning Up

So, yesterday I went to Applebees with a friend to celebrate my birthday. We went at 3:30 so it was my lunch and dinner. Leaving the house, I knew I had 43 points left to use for the day. I ordered my Asiago Peppercorn Steak that comes with steamed veggies and baby red potatoes. That meal is only 10 WW points! So knowing I still had 33 points to use, I allowed myself two things. 1. I ate some Potato Twisters (one of my favorite appetizers) and 2. I had a small dessert. I had looked at some points values online before I went to Applebees so I knew approximately what the values were. I did not know the value of dessert but was pretty sure I had enough points left to have it. Applebees now has a dessert called "Brownie Bite" it is a very small brownie (about 3-4 bites) and a small rounded tablespoon of ice cream with chocolate sauce drizzled over it. It was the perfect size, tasted delicious and was only $1.00!!

When I got home, I added all of the food I ate to my online tracker and I found I still had 14 points left over!! The meal was 10 points, the appetizer portion I had was 9 and the dessert was 10. I was shocked I still had so many points left. I even had earned 4 activity points for working out that I hadn't used! I don't plan on using my activity points as they are optional and only there if you need them.

After Lunner (lunch and dinner LOL) I went grocery shopping for fresh fruit and veggies. I knew I needed to have healthy things in the house so I could make good choices. I bought a lot of fruit and veggies. I bought some snacks like popcorn and Wheat Thin crisps. I had my WW calculator out to make sure these were good options for snacks. When I got home, I decided I needed to clean out the refrigerator and the cupboards so I could easily find the healthy foods I needed. I have had so much more energy and have been getting more things done because of it!

                                                                   Cupboard Before

                        
                                                                     Cupboard After

                                                                    Fridge Before

                                                                      Fridge After

                                                    

After cleaning out the cupboard and fridge, I sat down and enjoyed some Sunday night TV. I decided to get to bed at a decent time but before I did, I took my computer to the kitchen and planned my breakfast and lunch for Monday. I typed the information into my WW online tracker and prepared everything so it was ready to just grab out of the fridge and go.

I am so happy with the way things are going for me. It really seems like this is just becoming part of who am. It doesn't feel like a diet and so far it really hasn't been that hard. I know I will have days and moments that will not be easy but I am confident in the path I have chosen and I think that's why it all seems to be falling into place!

I woke up again this morning at 5:30 and went to the fitness center. I did 15 minutes each on the elliptical and the treadmill while watching Married With Children and Saved By the Bell. As soon as I walked in the door, the dog was waiting for me to take her out so I put her leash on and we went for a walk. It was a great start to the morning!!

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Weekend Warrior

Well, the weekends were always the hardest for me when starting a new diet. I would find myself sitting on the couch eating whatever I could find in the cupboards. It wasn’t that I was hungry – I was bored. Eating was something I could do with my hands. If I wasn’t sitting on my ass on the couch, I was out with friends or family which always consisted of good food or lots of snacks. Rather than just having a few things and being satisfied, I would eat whatever was there and try everything. I would eat until I was full or miserable and than I just felt like crap. So far, this weekend has had a much more positive outcome. Yesterday, I couldn’t fulfill my points allowance for the day. Even after spending the evening with friends playing Sequence and Wii, I found I had 5 points I hadn’t used! I was even able to snack on some Cheez-It’s (1 serving), Sun Chips (1 serving) and Twizzlers (3 pieces) while enjoying the company of my friends and staying within my points allowance. It was a great feeling and a fun night!

I just got back from the fitness center and did a mile on the elliptical (in about a minute and half less than it took me yesterday) and two miles on the stationary bike at a level 5 resistance. I then walked slowly on the treadmill as a cool down. It felt great. I hate to say it but I think I actually like working out?? I never thought I would say that but I actually look forward to being active. I feel so good afterward. As Elle Woods says (in another of my favorite movies – Legally Blonde), “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.” Now in my case, replace husband with mother – LOL!! For those that don’t know me, I live with my mother and we tend to drive each other crazy or she tends to drive me crazy anyway! J Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom but as you can imagine, sometimes we drive each other crazy! So, I have found I have more energy, seem happier and have a more positive outlook on everything after exercising.

In fact, I received an email from my former employer – the one who went out of business last year and did not pay me my last paycheck. His friend has a job opening and he thought of me. Well, normally I would have been bitter and angry about this (and I did have a little bit of that, I won’t lie) but I replied with a cordial response explaining I was in the process of finishing school and wouldn’t be looking for a job until closer to graduation. I felt like I was able to forgive and let go of the bitter feelings and anger that I had toward this family and I think a lot of it has to do with my new outlook on life! I just feel so good about my new path and where I am going.

Today, my friend from school is taking me to dinner for my birthday. I used to say I didn’t care where we went. Now I have decided to speak up and chose a restaurant that I know has healthy options. So, I told her I would like to go to Applebee’s. Applebee’s has some really great dinners under 550 calories and the one that I really like (Parmesan Peppercorn Steak) is only 10 points for the whole meal! I have only used 8 points today and have 51 total to use in a day. So, I still have a lot to use!! The new Weight Watchers system should not leave anyone hungry – that’s for sure!!

Well, I am doing well, feeling great and looking forward to weigh in next week (never thought I’d say that either)!!

Have a Healthy Day!

~Heidi

Weight Watchers Day 1

Well, I will start off by saying last night at about 8pm, I went to the fitness center and did a mile on the elliptical and a mile on the treadmill. Felt very good afterward and was happy I did it!

This morning my alarm went off at 7am and I have every intention of turning it off and going back to bed but that nagging voice in my head woke me up. Don't put it off like every other time. Get up, get going and get healthy it said to me. So I reluctantly got out of bed and got into the shower, took the dog for a quick walk to go potty and out the door by 7:30am for my very first Weight Watcher meeting. I figured there would be a lot of people and there was. I would guess about 30 or so!! I waited in line forever to get signed up and then had to wait in line for the scales. I have decided to use Weight Watchers weigh ins as my official weight so I will revise my starting number to match the one on their scale. So, my starting weight is 338.2 which is not too far from the weight I initially stated. They do recommend not weighing yourself at home so I will only post my weight every Saturday after my meetings.

The meeting itself went well. It was an introduction to the new Points Plus system. This plan is completely different than the last and all of the information and points, etc have changed so it was nice to have a introduction and learn about the new plan. I purchased a points calculator and a three month food journal to track what I eat. I have been tracking my food online but I thought the book would be good for those times that I do not have access to the internet. I can write down what I eat and transfer it to the online tracker once I get home.

I don't have any deep thoughts today (some of you are probably relieved - LOL) so this will be a short post. I am excited to go to my meeting next week so I can see how much I lose in the first week. Last time I was on Weight Watchers - I gained the first week, was so frustrated and pretty much gave up. This time will be different and I am very committed to this process!

Have a Healthy Day!!
~Heidi

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Pounds

Today was a challenge but I think I did pretty well. I went to lunch at my favorite restaurant, Red Robin – YUM! It was to celebrate my birthday with my mom and Jen and her mom. I started by having a side salad. I ordered a low fat ranch dressing and even ate the cucumbers (which I normally don’t). Then instead of ordering the burger that I normally do, I opted for the chicken sandwich. I did eat some of the yummy steak fries but I did not go overboard like I usually do there. I should have stopped with half the sandwich because I was satisfied but for some reason I didn’t. I have this mindset that if I am paying for the food, I should not let it go to waste. Many people say, bring it home and eat it later. I don’t eat leftovers. I bring them home and have the best intentions but they end up sitting in the fridge until I throw them out. That is another thing I need to work on. The other thing is the speed in which I eat. I eat SO fast that my poor stomach can’t even tell me it’s hungry because by the time it catches up with my brain, I have already eaten too much! Because it was my birthday, the wait staff sang and clapped and brought me a chocolate sundae!! I ate two small bites and passed the dish off to whoever wanted it. I was so proud that I was able to stop after two small bites!!

It is so much easier to do this with the support of friends and family. For my birthday Jen got me workout clothes, Fiber One snack bars and barbells for my Wii!! How awesome is that?? The barbells attach to the controllers and you can use them with any game to increase resistance!! I was thrilled!

Now, I promised you all pictures of me and I am going to keep that promise as hard as it is for to do. I think I was delusional. I have watched the Biggest Loser almost every season and I looked at the contestants and thought, “I don’t look that big. I must carry my weight better than those people.” Maybe that’s because I have chosen not to look into a full length mirror in a very long time. I had my mom take my “before” pictures today and holy hell – I am huge! It is harder for me to post these pictures than it was to tell you all what I weighed. These pictures are horrendous but it is all a part of my journey and I am determined to make this journey one of truth and revelations. So, here they are and they are NOT pretty!! I look at the picture of the dress (size 10/12) I want to wear someday and I cannot even fathom ever being able to fit into it but I will. It will take a lot of time and total commitment but I will wear that dress and I can’t wait till the day that I can post that picture for everyone!!

Have a Healthy Day!!

~Heidi

Day 2

Your past does not equal, nor does it dictate, your future. ~Unknown

I was searching inspirational weight loss quotes and this one really stood out to me. It is a message of hope that is allowing me to start every day as a new day and not let my past hurts and failures affect my current and future successes.

Questions keep rolling through my mind and I find myself looking deeper within myself than ever before. The questions that keep coming up are, “How is this time different?” “What can I do to ensure that this time doesn’t turn out like all the rest?” “Why do I think I can do it this time when I couldn’t do it before?”

To answer number one, I must accept the fact that I have tried to lose weight before – MANY times before. I did the Atkins diet and lost 50 pounds only to gain it all back and then some when I couldn’t stick to it. I did Medi-fast (YUCK) and lost almost 70 pounds only to gain it all back and then some. I did Slim 4 Life (now called Slimgenics) and lost almost 30 pounds only to gain it all back and then some. This time is different because for the first time, I believe I can do it and I believe I deserve it.

This brings us to question #2. How do I make sure I succeed this time? Well for one I have realized that this is not a diet. In fact I saw an ad today that said “Live or Diet” and I couldn’t agree with that more. Just the word diet makes me cringe. This is not only about my diet. This has to be a change that I can maintain for a lifetime. That is why my other attempts never turned out right. I got sick of protein on the Atkins. I threw up every time I had the Medi-fast products (maybe that’s how you lost weight with that product) and I couldn’t afford to continue paying Slim 4 Life because it was SO expensive! This time I will eat real food and I will not have foods that are “off limit”. I will focus on changing my mindset and making better choices. Portion control is another big thing for me. Do I really need two hamburgers for dinner? When I have a piece of cake at a birthday party, do I need to eat a “Nancy-size” piece? LOL (My mom is Nancy and she is known for cutting large pieces of cake). Do I also need to ask for an extra scoop of ice cream to go with that cake? Of course I don’t but that is what I’ve always done so I never thought to change my mindset. I will allow myself a piece of birthday cake, but it will be a small one. I can have an occasional scoop of ice cream but it will only be one scoop. This has to be something that I can live with for the rest of my life. It has to be an emotional, physical and mental change. It has to be a lifestyle decision.

Now to question #3 and the hardest for me to answer, “Why do I think I can do it this time?” I guess partly because for the first time since I can remember, I like the person that looks back at me in the mirror. I don’t like what she’s allowed her life to be up to this point but I like what she stands for. I like that she is spiritual and has complete faith in God and his ability to help her on this new path she’s chosen. I like that she is a good person and wants to be the best person she can be. I like that even through all she has been through this year, she chose to look at every situation in a positive way. I like her, I like me and I have never been able to say that before.

So, there are my thoughts for today. Today has been another good day for me so far. I woke up with a splitting headache and decided not to work out. This decision haunted me all morning. I ate a yogurt for breakfast even though I did not feel like eating. I took my niece to preschool and could not ignore the nagging voice in my head that said I should have worked out this morning. When I got back to my sister’s house to work on my school work – that voice got louder. I sat down and thought, if my sister is anything like me, she’s got to have some kind of workout DVD in her house. Sure enough, in the very nicely organized coffee table storage (bravo Chris – it made it so much easier to find what I was looking for) I found a walking DVD. I put it in and got my butt moving. Now, I hope the neighbors weren’t around because I was pretty uncoordinated but I felt great after the 20 minutes walking workout. My mind was clear and I was able to finish my homework for the week and have a lunch consisting of a whole wheat pasta meal (microwave thing) and mandarin oranges before having to pick up my niece from preschool. I am so happy that I chose to workout.

This blog has been one of the best decisions I have made. I have found support and encouragement from many. It holds me accountable and drives that voice in my head that encourages me to make the right choices. It helps me share my feelings and innermost thoughts in a positive and therapeutic way. It is another thing that makes this time different and that makes me believe that I can succeed and I will succeed!

Have a Healthy Day!! (Thanks again Jamie for this. I hope you don’t mind that I plan to steal this and close every entry with it)!!

My Birthday, a Day of Reflection

I wrote this last night but blogspot was being goffy and I couldn't post until this morning...

Today was a good day. After my morning workout, I had a yogurt and thin bagel with a little peanut butter. For lunch I had a really tasty tomato soup with a few Ritz crackers. I had a clementine for desert. My afternoon snack was string cheese. My dear friend, Jen took me to dinner (and to play trivia) for my birthday. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings because that is our trivia “home”. I had some chips and salsa as we waited to order. I ordered my boneless wings but I had only the 8 piece order instead of the 12. I also traded in the chili cheese fries for a side salad. I had one diet coke and then switched to water. I had to laugh when I looked at the menu and saw the heading “You Deserve It Desserts”. That is exactly what I always said when I ordered the chocolate cake. Tonight I laughed at that and thought, I deserve to be healthy and that means NOT ordering the chocolate cake. I’m not going to say I didn’t want to. See chocolate cake is my nemesis. I LOVE chocolate cake – just ask Jen. She teases me about it all the time. But tonight I chose me and my success over cake. Sure the cake would’ve tasted fantastic as usual but it would be a whole ten minutes of bliss for a lifetime of being overweight and unhappy. So, overall I think I had a pretty good day. I am looking forward to starting Weight Watchers on Saturday and getting some help and ideas on the nutrition side of things.

DAILY REFLECTIONS

So, I’m not sure if there is anyone who is a bigger fan of “Pretty Woman” than I am. My family and a few close friends are fully aware of the fact that I have pretty much memorized the entire movie! I imagine it is probably really annoying to watch it with me. What does “Pretty Woman” have to do with my blog? Well, there is comment made by Vivian (Julia Roberts) that pretty much sums up how I let my life get this far off track. She says to Edward (Richard Gere), “People put you down enough you start to believe it.” He then compliments her and she replies, “The bad stuff is easier to believe.” I have heard those lines many times since 1990 and never once did I let them sink in. Now, I want to make it clear that I am in no way blaming those who put me down or made fun of me. I am simply taking responsibility for allowing myself to believe that I wasn’t worth it. I listened to the fat jokes and I heard people talking about me and making fun of me. I also had people that encouraged me and complimented me but I don’t much remember those times because I chose to believe and carry only the bad things with me.

It has only been recently that I have learned to love who I am. I am a good person. I always try to do the right thing and I have a very compassionate heart. I have a passion for helping those in need (humans and animals) and I like to think I am a good friend, daughter, sister, and aunt. Being an aunt has been one of the greatest joys in my life. Being an aunt has showed me unconditional love and all seven of those children are truly the lights of my life. I want to see them grow up. I want to be there for their graduations, weddings, and all other major milestones they experience in their lives. If I continue on the path I have been on, I won’t be there for any of it.

As my dear friend Jamie wrote to me this morning - Have a Healthy Day!!

Day 1

Here goes.....

Starting weight: 337.8


I still can't believe I am sharing this with everyone but I am at peace with it. It is what it is and only I can do something to change it. I was not as mortified by this as I thought I would be. I guess it's because since June when I moved into my apartment, I have lost almost 40 pounds! That tells me two things: 1) I don't ever want to see those numbers on the scale again and I have made the right decision about changing my life and 2) I can do this. I already have done it. Now I am going to do it with intention and really work at changing my life, not just my diet.

I am happy to say that I got up at 5:30, grabbed a banana and walked the 75 feet to the office where the fitness center is. I worked out for about a half hour and went 3/4 of a mile on the elliptical and 1/2 mile on the treadmill. I am also happy to say that I was the only one in there this morning! I turned the TV to Adventures in Babysitting and started up. I wanted to quit the elliptical about 4 minutes into it but I thought if those people on the Biggest Loser (some much bigger than I) can work out until they throw up or pass out, I can at least go 10 minutes on a stupid elliptical. Well, I did 11 minutes and then got off because I needed my water that I left on the window sill. Then I moved to the treadmill and did it Biggest Loser style - without holding on! LOL I feel like a kid who just learned how to ride a bike without training wheels.

So far, so good. I have decided to celebrate all of my accomplishments - even the small ones. Celebrating for me used to include "treating myself" to some high calorie food. Now it simply means patting myself on the back and being proud of my accomplishments - no matter how big or small.

Thanks for the encouragment and love that I have received already - it really does make this all seem much easier.

*Sorry for any typos - it's really early for me to be typing!

Okay - here goes! I am not a blogger. I have never been a blogger. I guess I just felt like it was time to make some major changes in my life and a blog would be a great way to track my progress. It hit me tonight. I finally got to that point - the point where everyone says they realize a change is needed. I have watched all but two seasons of the Biggest Loser and I will be the first to admit that I was the one on the couch that would eat ice cream or cake or whatever sweets happened to be in the house at the time. Tonight as I watched the season premier, there was a moment - THE MOMENT - that I realized I need to do something about my life, my health, my weight.

The contestants were puching a truck around campus and a song started to play in the background. It is a song that is on my IPod that I love and have heard a million times. This time, when Switchfoot belted out "I Dare You to Move", my entire body was covered in goosebumps and something deep within in me said, "You can do this, You need to do this."

I am pretty sure that I have Diabetes. If not, I am on the verge. My father passed away from complications of the disease and my mom was diagnosed a few years ago. I am cursed on both sides but I also have done nothing to prevent the disease from taking over my body. No more - it is time I take responsibilty and do something about it.

Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday. I can think of no better present to give myself than the gift of life. Changing my life and my habits will ultimately save my life. I never thought that I would take this journey in a public fashion and the truth is, I'm not sure if anyone will even read this, but this is something I feel I need to do. Not only will it serve as a journal where I will track my weight, my food choices, my fitness attempts and even my emotions and struggles, it will also serve as an accountability tool because if I think someone is following my progress, I will be harder on myself and really think about the choices I make before I make them.

This is a very personal struggle and one that I never thought I could share publicly, especially because of my weight. Hell, I don't even like to say my weight out loud let alone post it for the world to see. But I realize that my weight is a reality. It is something I have come to terms with and something I am determined to change. If my journey in anyway inspires someone else to do this, than I feel it is all worth it. If I gain a my own cheerleading squad because of this, than it will all be worth it. If nothing comes of this blog but my ability to share my journey, my struggles and my successes, than it will all be worth it!

Starting tomorrow, I will add a current picture of me with my current weight. I will also add a picture of my goal dress. A simple black dress that I have never been able to picture me wearing. I will begin Weight Watchers this Saturday along with one of my sisters. I am hoping it will give me the tools I need to understand the nutrition part of my lifestyle change. I am lucky enough to have access to a gym at my apartment. The sad thing is, I have lived here 7 months and have yet to step foot in there. That changes tomorrow. I will get up a half hour earlier and I will go to the gym. It will be the gift I give myself on the morning of my 33rd birthday. My 33rd birthday which will be the first day of the rest of my life. Thank you for following me on this journey.