Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 2

Your past does not equal, nor does it dictate, your future. ~Unknown

I was searching inspirational weight loss quotes and this one really stood out to me. It is a message of hope that is allowing me to start every day as a new day and not let my past hurts and failures affect my current and future successes.

Questions keep rolling through my mind and I find myself looking deeper within myself than ever before. The questions that keep coming up are, “How is this time different?” “What can I do to ensure that this time doesn’t turn out like all the rest?” “Why do I think I can do it this time when I couldn’t do it before?”

To answer number one, I must accept the fact that I have tried to lose weight before – MANY times before. I did the Atkins diet and lost 50 pounds only to gain it all back and then some when I couldn’t stick to it. I did Medi-fast (YUCK) and lost almost 70 pounds only to gain it all back and then some. I did Slim 4 Life (now called Slimgenics) and lost almost 30 pounds only to gain it all back and then some. This time is different because for the first time, I believe I can do it and I believe I deserve it.

This brings us to question #2. How do I make sure I succeed this time? Well for one I have realized that this is not a diet. In fact I saw an ad today that said “Live or Diet” and I couldn’t agree with that more. Just the word diet makes me cringe. This is not only about my diet. This has to be a change that I can maintain for a lifetime. That is why my other attempts never turned out right. I got sick of protein on the Atkins. I threw up every time I had the Medi-fast products (maybe that’s how you lost weight with that product) and I couldn’t afford to continue paying Slim 4 Life because it was SO expensive! This time I will eat real food and I will not have foods that are “off limit”. I will focus on changing my mindset and making better choices. Portion control is another big thing for me. Do I really need two hamburgers for dinner? When I have a piece of cake at a birthday party, do I need to eat a “Nancy-size” piece? LOL (My mom is Nancy and she is known for cutting large pieces of cake). Do I also need to ask for an extra scoop of ice cream to go with that cake? Of course I don’t but that is what I’ve always done so I never thought to change my mindset. I will allow myself a piece of birthday cake, but it will be a small one. I can have an occasional scoop of ice cream but it will only be one scoop. This has to be something that I can live with for the rest of my life. It has to be an emotional, physical and mental change. It has to be a lifestyle decision.

Now to question #3 and the hardest for me to answer, “Why do I think I can do it this time?” I guess partly because for the first time since I can remember, I like the person that looks back at me in the mirror. I don’t like what she’s allowed her life to be up to this point but I like what she stands for. I like that she is spiritual and has complete faith in God and his ability to help her on this new path she’s chosen. I like that she is a good person and wants to be the best person she can be. I like that even through all she has been through this year, she chose to look at every situation in a positive way. I like her, I like me and I have never been able to say that before.

So, there are my thoughts for today. Today has been another good day for me so far. I woke up with a splitting headache and decided not to work out. This decision haunted me all morning. I ate a yogurt for breakfast even though I did not feel like eating. I took my niece to preschool and could not ignore the nagging voice in my head that said I should have worked out this morning. When I got back to my sister’s house to work on my school work – that voice got louder. I sat down and thought, if my sister is anything like me, she’s got to have some kind of workout DVD in her house. Sure enough, in the very nicely organized coffee table storage (bravo Chris – it made it so much easier to find what I was looking for) I found a walking DVD. I put it in and got my butt moving. Now, I hope the neighbors weren’t around because I was pretty uncoordinated but I felt great after the 20 minutes walking workout. My mind was clear and I was able to finish my homework for the week and have a lunch consisting of a whole wheat pasta meal (microwave thing) and mandarin oranges before having to pick up my niece from preschool. I am so happy that I chose to workout.

This blog has been one of the best decisions I have made. I have found support and encouragement from many. It holds me accountable and drives that voice in my head that encourages me to make the right choices. It helps me share my feelings and innermost thoughts in a positive and therapeutic way. It is another thing that makes this time different and that makes me believe that I can succeed and I will succeed!

Have a Healthy Day!! (Thanks again Jamie for this. I hope you don’t mind that I plan to steal this and close every entry with it)!!


  1. You will succeed this time. You're doing it right by working on your inner beauty first. I'm sad to read you've never liked the person you saw in the mirror before now, but so happy that has changed. Way to go!

  2. Don't mind at all!! Just a little reminder for us both!

  3. I'm so glad that you found time for yourself today! I also really like your perspective about eating food,your right in saying that you can eat any food that you want. It is just all about portion control. I had a student once tell me that you don't need to eat a whole bowl of ice cream to know how it tastes. Just a few bites will satisfy your craving, and do the job! You are headed in the right direction! Keep it up, Heidi! You are so inspiring!