Stuck in a Rut

Well, as far as the weight loss goes, I am still stuck in a rut. I only have myself to blame and have made some really poor choices the past few weeks. I need to change my focus to me. I need to get to a point in my life where I feel I am good enough. Somewhere along the way, I stop believing that I was worth it and I am working really hard to change my mind. It's an internal battle that goes deep into some issues I have failed to deal with. I know it is the reason that I have not been consistent and also the reason I find it so hard to love myself.

Another thing that is holding me back is the rollercoaster of emotions that I am feeling for a certain man. This has been a rollercoaster that I have been on for 18 years of my life. No, that is not a typo - I have loved the same man (in one way or another) for 18 years. It started as a childhood crush but grew and matured over the years. Now mind you, I have never been with this man but we have been friends for a long time. I have tried many times to "get over it" but I just can't seem to convince my heart that it's time to let go. There are days I swear we will end up together eventually. Then there are others that I wonder if I have wasted 18 years of my life? This emotional battle that I face definitely has an effect on my success. Food has always been my comfort and I turn to it when I am sad, confused, worried, etc. So this does not help me and I wish I knew what the future held and how it would all end up. It would make letting go so much easier!

One thing that has improved greatly in my life is my career. I can tell you that I am happier than ever when it comes to that. I love my job and the company. I feel like I have fit in like I've always been there and I adore my co-workers. It really has brought much happiness into my life in the three short weeks I have been there!

So, onward I push on this rollercoaster of life. I will not give up - EVER! Thanks for all the love and support you've all shown me as I share some of my very personal thoughts and feelings. All advice is welcomed and appreciated - even if it's not the advice I want to hear! :-)

~Heidi

The "Cursed Number"

Hello all! Life has been going well for me. I am frustrated with my scale and there is this one certain number that has given me problems in the past. I hover around that number for weeks before I am able to break through it. This has happened to me in the past with this exact same number. I am determined to break through before next week. I did lose one pound last week so I am getting closer to pushing past that dreaded number that I hope to never see again on the scale!

I have been taking longer walks. So long in fact that I have to leave the dog at home because she doesn't like to walk that far. She's kind of a princess you know! :-) It has been a really great time for me to put on my iPod and get lost in my thoughts and music. I find myself thinking a lot about happiness and what that looks like to me. I can honestly say I don't know. I am happy for the most part but I feel like something is missing. I have no idea what it is but I can say that whatever it is, I long for it - if that makes any sense at all.

I do love my new job and already feel so comfortable in the office and with my co-workers. That is a great feeling! I had a few requests for an updated picture of me, so here is one from the last weekend in July (with one of my very best friends, Jamie).

I still have a long way to go but I am so much farther than I was just a year ago! I am actually 65 pounds lighter than I was in June of 2010. I hope to do much better in the next year and kick it into higher gear but I will celebrate every victory, every pound and every moment in my life that I feel like I am living! Because I no longer want to watch my life pass me by, I now want to be an active participant!

Thanks for sticking with me! It means so much to have your love and support!!

~Heidi

Week One of My New Job!

So, I am sad to say that I did not lose any weight last week. It is not a total surprise to me as I made some poor choices at the end of the week and over the weekend. I have been doing better this week but still feel a bit "off". My average is still 3.5 pounds a week and that's nothing to sneeze at! I just wish I could stay strong all the time but I tend to turn to food for comfort and I hate that!

I went for a really long, warm walk on Sunday evening and it felt great! I went without the dog because she is a wimp when it comes to heat! I put my IPod on and just kept walking. I know I walked close to 2 miles and I probably could have kept going except it was so humid that I was literally dripping with sweat!

My first week of work has been going great so far. I am already more comfortable there than I ever was at my previous job. I also haven't cried once at the new job and that is way better than the first week of my former job! The drive is a little longer but I really don't mind it and if the freeqay is really bad, then I just take 101 which is a nice scenic route of sorts!

Well, I just thought I'd do my weekly check in and let you know how it's going.

So far, so great!

I am happy (and surprised) to report that the dog is panting harder than me after our long, very warm walk tonight! It felt great and I literally could have kept going! I have had so much more energy since I have chosen to make better food and nutrition choices. I am actually looking forward to my walks and using my kettle bell before bed.

This first week has been a great one. I am very happy to report that this past week, the first week that I have really kicked it into gear again, I lost 7.2 pounds!!! I am looking good to hit my year end goal of 60 pounds lost, I may even blow right by that number before the year is over and I'll be okay with that!

It is so hard to be motivated at a job that has made you miserable for the last three months when you know you only have 2 days left! I am trying so hard to keep my head into it and get the temp up to speed but it is so hard. I am so excited to start my new job on Monday and I really feel like this is where I'm meant to be. For the first time in a very long time, I am super excited about my future!! I may never be a Corporate Executive making hunreds of thousands of dollars but I will be making enough and completely happy knowing that the company I work for truly makes a difference in the lives of so many children!

So as my blog title says; So far, so great!

Back on Track

It has been so long since I have updated this blog. I'm not sure anyone still checks it after all this time. I just wanted to let anyone that may check it know that I am back on track. I have a new secret motivation that seems to be working well. I have lost 5.8 pounds since Tuesday! Things seem to be going right for me all of sudden and that scares the crap out of me because my instinct tells me to beware because this good fortune can't last... Then my faith kicks in and tells instinct to shut up and I am faced with an internal battle that 1/2 of me will lose.

I am also very happy to report that on the heels of my new motivation (that I hope to share with you all someday soon but I need to keep it to myself at this point), I have also landed a job that I have wanted for so very long. I have always wanted to work in non-profit. My friend Jen works for the MN Autism Center and it just so happens they were in need of a Controller to take the place of an employee who is moving on and I got the job! I have never been so excited to start a new job in my whole life!

I was absolutely miserable at my current job and giving my notice on Friday felt like a huge weight off my shoulders. Maybe that was the 5.8 pounds I lost this week... LOL!!

Well, if anyone is still reading this, thanks for sticking with me. I lost my way for a bit but I have found a path and the sun is shining brightly all along it!!

~Heidi

Missed Meeting

Well it's Saturday and I had every intention of walking to my meeting again this morning. Then last night I got a call and the opportunity to have an interview at 9:00am this morning. The meeting was in St. Louis Park so I needed to leave my house a little after 8:00am. So, needless to say, I took the interview and skipped the meeting. I did my own weigh-in at home though and even put on my "weigh-in" outfit (that I wear every week to my meeting). My home scale showed I was down 1.2 pounds and I'm good with that! I struggled a bit with my eating and did not track faithfully as I normally do. I am happy with 1.2 pounds and getting so close to my 25 pound milestone where I will receive my first charm for my key chain! Just thought I'd give a quick update for those who check in each week to see what I've lost! Take care and I will update more later this week!

Have a great weekend and a HEALTHY DAY!!

~Heidi

Weigh-In Walk

Sorry about my lack of posts. School is over and for some reason, I seem busier than ever! I guess it’s probably the constant job search that I am now a prisoner to. I have been sending out resumes like mad and have yet to hear back from any of them! I am hoping that my unique combination of accounting, human resources, payroll and transportation will work to my advantage eventually. My graduation ceremony was really nice and I was one of two of us that was graduating with a Bachelors degree. I had my own little cheering section that consisted of my mom, my sister Heather and her husband Chris, my nephew and niece (Gunnar and Grace), and my dear friend Jen. All of these people were also at my first ceremony ten years ago when I graduated with my Associates degree. We went to dinner afterward to celebrate and it turned out to be a very nice night!

Yesterday was a very stressful day as my beloved Bella (dog) had three seizures in a row. It was very scary and heart-breaking to watch. I just held her in my lap and pet her as it happened. She kept looking to make sure I was there. Just as I thought she was done, another would start. Finally after the third, she jumped up and started running around and wanting to go outside. I had a vet appointment that morning because Bella needed a few shots but I called and told them what was going on and they said to bring her in as soon as she could walk or I could get her into the car. We spent an hour and a half at the vet and the only thing she could find was low phosphorus levels. So we are treating with a multi-vitamin that has phosphorus in it and see if that works. If she experiences more seizures, we may need to treat with Phenobarbital. Cluster seizures (more than one in a row) are not a good thing and may be a sign that we will need to treat with medication. We’re going to try to the vitamin and see if that works otherwise we will be looking to other treatment methods. I cannot tell you how happy I am that I have a great pet insurance policy for Bella! It has saved me THOUSANDS of dollars this year alone!! She seems to be doing okay for now but I dread having to see her go through anymore seizures!!

This morning, I woke up at 6:45am (on a Saturday – UGH!). I got dressed, brushed my hair and teeth and took the dog out to go potty. Brought the dog back into the house and proceeded to walk to my Weight Watchers meeting! It is just over a mile and I thought it was nice enough that I wouldn’t get too cold. It was a nice brisk walk and I took my time arriving at my meeting early at 7:20am. Weigh-in starts at 7:30am and the actual meeting starts at 8:00am. I am happy to report that I lost another two pounds. Now keep in mind – this is over two weeks because I missed last weeks meeting. I am okay with his number though for two reasons. 1. I have now lost a total of 21.8 pounds since joining WW! 2. I did not track my points last week and know that I made some not so good choices because of it.

After the meeting I walked home. I am not feeling so hot and really hurting. It isn’t the walk that did me in though; it is the residual pain from my Thursday night mishap. On Thursday night, I tool the dog outside to go potty before bed. It was raining pretty hard so I had my umbrella in one hand and the leash in the other. As we were walking across the lawn back to the parking lot, I stepped on a small patch of snow. Well this snow was covered in rain which made it extremely slippery. I could feel my foot lose control and both feet went up in the air and I came down hard on my right side. I heard a crunch and felt some pain although I couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from. My first thought was to pop up and make sure no one saw! I got up and was happy that everything seemed to be working. I went to bed and woke up with a horrible strained neck, a sore shoulder and sore ankle. Here’s the kicker though – the pain is on my left side but I fell on my right side. So I must have jarred things across my body or something. So after the walk home from the meeting, my neck, shoulder and ankle are very sore.

Today, I am going to help my nephew with his health class project which consists of him making a meal and figuring out the nutrition information and then presenting it in a creative way. So I will be taking pictures and helping him and then we are going to put a PowerPoint together for him to present his project with! It should be a lot of fun. He is going to make white chicken chili in bread bowls and we are going to have strawberry shortcake for dessert! Tomorrow is another awards show so I will be heading to my sister Heather’s house for that! It’s kind of a tradition that we get together for any/all awards shows that are on! So I have a fun, relaxing weekend ahead and looking forward to it!

Have a great weekend and a HEALTHY DAY!!

~Heidi